One more time with feeling

I'm so tired of being sick...

~

your stitches are all out
but your scars are healing wrong
and the helium balloon
inside your room has come undone
and it's pushing up at the ceiling
and the flickering lights it cannot get beyond

oh, everyone takes turns
now it's yours to play the part
and they're sitting all around you
holding copies of your chart
and the misery inside their eyes
is synchronized, reflecting into yours

hold on, one more time with feeling
try it again, breathing's just a rythm
say it in your mind until you know that the words are right
this is why we fight
this is why we fight

you thought by you'd be
so much better than you are
you thought by now they'd see
that you had come so far
and the pride inside their eyes
would synchronize into a love you'll never know
so much more than you can show

hold on, one more time with feeling
try it again, breathing's just a rythm
say it in your mind until you know that the words are right
this is why we fight
this is why we fight

Aquarius

Loving you while cooking dinner in your kitchen, cold air on my hands, cold air from outside the window, cold autumn-air, darkness. The energy between us. Your smile. My voice, singing this song, you sitting by the computer in your bedroom while litening to me, enetering the kitchen from time to time just to kiss me or to tell me that I'm beautiful. Us. Who I used to be. Who I used to be with. Who I long to be. And the one I long to be with. Gone.

I used to think of this as a letter from me to god, whenever I was exhausted with my own hopelessness and my fear of everything in genereal. I really miss believing in god. And I am exhausted, with myself and with the world. So please. Dear someone.

~

dear someone listening in the shadows
I only talk to you sometimes
and though I ask for help in riddles
it is clearer in my mind, clearer in my mind

born of a sign that carries vessels
but in a month as cold as ice
I know I question things too quickly
but I've never questioned if I've loved, loved

dear someone watching from the shadows
I'm clenching water in my fists
the drops, they slip right through my fingers
but there's water on my lips, water on my lips

born of a sign that carries vessels
but in a month that brings just ice
I know I question things too quickly
but I've never wondered if I've loved, loved

dear someone watching from the shadows
you've seen me lose all the water from my hands
I'm not a skillful water carrier
but the raindrops keep falling on my head, falling on my head

born of a sign that carries water
but in a month that brings just ice
I'm not a skillful water carrier
but I've learned to carry love, learned to carry love