With or without you

~

see the stone set in your eyes
see the thorn twist in your side
I'll wait for you
slide of hand and twist of fate
on a bed of nails, she makes me wait
and I wait without you
with or without you
with or without you

through the storm we reach the shore
you give it all, but I want more
and I'm waiting for you
with or without you
with or without you
I can't live
with or without you

and you give yourself away
and you give yourself away
and you give
and you give
and you give yourself away

my hands are tied
my body bruised, she got me with
nothing to win and
nothing left to lose

and you give yourself away
and you give yourself away
and you give
and you give
and you give yourself away
with or without you
with or without you
I can't live
with or without you
with or without you
with or without you
I can't live
with or without you
with or without you

Don't stop believing

Oh yes. It's Journey. I do wish I could have posted the original video, though, because it's awesome beyond compare, but... No such luck. The piano intro has to be the greatest thing ever.

~

just a small town girl
living in a lonely world
she took the midnight train, going anywhere
just a city bou
born and raised in south Detroit
he took the midnight train, going anywhere

a singer in a smokey room
a smell of wine and cheap perfume
for a smile they can share the night
it goes on and on and on and on

strangers waiting
up and down the boulevard
their shadows searching
in the night
streetlight people
living just to find emotion
hiding somewhere
in the night

working hard to get my fill
everybody wants a thrill
paying anything to roll the dice just one more time
some will win, some will lose
some were born to sing the blues
oh, the movie never ends
it goes on and on and on and on

strangers waiting
up and down the boulevard
their shadows searching
in the night
streetlight people
living just to find emotion
hiding somewhere
in the night

don't stop believing
hold on to that feeling
streetlight people

don't stop believing
hold on to that feeling
streetlight people

Suteki da ne

So much beauty, so much delicious peace resides within this song, and so many memories from the time when my dreams were made of hope, and not desperation. Colours I would long for, beauty I wished to posess, landscapes I wished to take in, tools I wished to use, stories I wished to fulfill. Now, there is only thought, loss, and the pain of remembering. Apart from laughter. I still have that, although I no longer laugh from pure joy - only when something is deeply amusing. It is something, though. If I lose that, I will have lost it all. Or most of what matters, anyway. It is so hard to believe that holding on is important. I don't think that belief or trust is what keeps me going at all. It's a sense of duty to the ones I love, a will to try (one that I wish I did not posess, to be honest) and try and try, then try again, and a fear of death too great to give up - although I do find myself longing for absolute silence and stillness a lot, these days. 

I remember recreating the scene where this song first appears, with me in Yuna's place. I remeber wanting to be able to sink through the water, down into it, and float around down there, controlled, balanced, at ease - able to be quite still, or at least slow of movement(here, in our world, we struggle clumsily and resurface too quickly, unable to just sink without dying at the same time), while loving someone and feeling matter all around me, seeing specks of light surround both me and the man in question - a man that, as far as I know, doesn't exist and never will. I dreamed of him none the less. I dreamed of so many men to find me and see in me something of importance. I dreamed of being chosen. I dreamed of being beautiful to another person. I dreamed of mattering. 

So much information resides within me. Sometimes I feel like a Keeper of Terris, burdened with memory and seemingly endless amounts of information. I don't know what to do with it. It will all die along with me. It will have been for nothing. I don't know what to do without faith. I don't know how to regain it without fooling myself. I need proof. I can't live on hope anymore. Not when it keeps being crushed to the ground. Now, I don't even posess any kind of hope that can be crushed. I've lost it all. I've become a creature of chaos and exhaustion.

The hospital room

So beautiful...
 

A big ocean, or a snowy field, maybe. Rolling waves. Loneliness at the top of a mountain. A journey unfolding. A sense of purpose, of knowing where you're supposed to be, where you're supposed to end up. Of knowing where you come from. Who you are.

This trumpet in my head

Dark and quiet... The guitar sounds like rain. Lykke Li is the essence of May and June last year, perhaps also a taste of August... My early summer-walks in the woods. My dressing up with pearls and new makeup. My falling in love with a certain someone. The streets, glistening with summer rain. So beautiful.

~

I can't get that trumpet out of my head

can't get that trumpet out of my head

I woke up tonight

can't get that trumpet out of my head

yeah, you say you can't stand me when I'm quiet

so I shot you with my silence

can't get that trumpet out of my head