Lazarus

This is one of my train-songs. It's kind of in motion all the time, the kind of song that goes well with moving forward at a fast pace, especially alongside some beautiful scenery. And I only listen to it in the summer. It contains sand and heat and warm sunlight and the smell of asphalt and grass, so it feels... wrong... to listen to it at any other time.

There's lots of things to interpret in this one, especially if you consider the title, but I choose not to. Yes, it's full of little nods to the bible (and I do love songs that make real stories out of biblical stories, giving the people voices of their own, seeing things from different sides), but that isn't the main reason why I love Lazarus. So I won't say anything else. Except this: I long to lie on the grass and listen to this while looking at the clouds.

~

as the cheerless town pass my window
I can see a washed out moon through the fog
and then a voice inside my head breaks the analoue
and says:

"follow me down to the valley below
you know
moonlight is bleeding from out of your soul"

I survived against the will of my twisted folk
but in the deafness of my world, the silence broke
and said:

"follow me down to the valley below
you know
moonlight is bleeding from out of your soul"

my David, don't you worry
this cold world is not for you
so rest your head upon me
I have the strength to carry you

ghosts of the twenties rising
golden summers, just holding you

"follow me down to the valley below
you know
moonlight is bleeding from out of your soul
come to us, Lazarus
it's time for you to go"

The flood

Epic and breathtaking and dark and deep(as in large, vast. Ocean-wise, darkness-wise - not "full of meaning").

~

broken people get recycled
and I hope that I will
sometimes be thrown off the pathways
what I thought was my way home
wasn't the place I
no, I'm not afraid of changing
I'm certain nothing's certain
what we own becomes our prison
my posessions will be gone
back to where they came from

blame
no one is to blame
as natural as the rain that falls
here comes the flood again

see the rock that you hold on to
is it gonna save you
when the earth begins to crumble?
why d'you feel you have to hold on?
imagine if you let go

blame
no one is to blame
as natural as the rain that falls
here comes the flood again

flush away
the weight that pulls you down
light the ways
that free from the dusk

don't trust your eyes
it's easy to believe them
know in your heart
that you can leave your prison
don't trust your mind
it's not always listening
turn on the lights
and feel the ancient rythm
don't trust your eyes
it's easy to believe them
know in your heart
that you can leave your prison

blame
no one is to blame
as natural as the rain that falls
here comes the flood again

The bottom of the world

Spotify + Tom Waits + random = bliss and lots of new treasures. This gorgeous tune, for instance. Its lyrics make me want to wrap some basic essentials (books, tea, kettle, music, harmonica, notepad) in a piece of cloth, tie it around a stick and travel the world by foot, see things, meet strange and beautiful and crooked people, get lots of wrinkles from laughter and smiles, count the stars, sleep beneath bridges, be alone, be my own, be wild, be free. Maybe I'll get the courage to do that some day. God, I hope so.
 

It was love at first sight for me and these lyrics. I want to read them again and again and again and write them out and hang them up on the wall so that I can look at them whenever I want to run away. So that I can remember that running away doesn't have to be a bad thing. Sometimes it's the only thing you can do - and the best choice you could ever make. It could bring you an adventure. It could bring you truth. Or hope. Or a new home. I know, it's cheesy, but that doesn't mean it's not true.

Dreams, dreams, dreams, dreams -- and then some more dreams.

~

my daddy told me, looking back

the best friend you'll have is a railroad track

so when I was thirteen, said, "I'm rollin' my own

and I'm leavin' missouri and I'm never comin' home"

and I'm lost

and I'm lost

and I'm lost at the bottom of the world

I'm handcuffed to the bishop and the barbershop liar

I'm lost at the bottom of the world

satchel pudding and lord god mose

sitting by the fire with a busted nose

that fresh egg yeller is too damn rare

but the white part is perfect for slicking down your hair

and I'm lost

and I'm lost

and I'm lost at the bottom of the world

I'm handcuffed to the bishop and the barbershop liar

I'm lost at the bottom of the world

blackjack ruby and nimrod cain

the moon's the colour of a coffee stain

jesse frank and birdy joe hoaks

but who is the king of all these folks?

and I'm lost

and I'm lost

and I'm lost at the bottom of the world

I'm handcuffed to the bishop and the barbershop liar

I'm lost at the bottom of the world

well, I dined last night with scarface ron

on telapia fish cakes and fried black swan

razorweed onion and peacock squirrel

and I dreamed all night about a beautiful girl

and I'm lost

and I'm lost

and I'm lost at the bottom of the world

I'm handcuffed to the bishop and the barbershop liar

I'm lost at the bottom of the world

well, god's green hair is where I slept last

he balanced a diamon on a blade of grass

now I woke me up with a cardinal bird

and when I wanna talk, he hangs on ever word

and I'm lost

and I'm lost

and I'm lost at the bottom of the world

I'm handcuffed to the bishop and the barbershop liar

I'm lost at the bottom of the world

Always

I heard this song for the first time at a friend's place. He was playing Robot Unicorn Attack(yes, that's a real game, and it's just as awesome as it sounds), and "Always" is the theme song. It plays on repeat. So I got to hear it again. And again. And again. It got stuck in my head, and when I got home I had to try and find it, so I checked with youtube, and what did I discover there? This amazingly ridiculous video. It really just... I don't know, I couldn't do anything but marvel at it and laugh. The sad part is that now, after listening to it so many times, I actually think it's sweet. And oh, so catchy. Damn.

~

open your eyes, I see

your eyes are open

wear no disguise for me

come into the open

when it's cold outside

am I here in vain?

hold on to the night

there will be no shame

always I want to be with you

and make believe with you

and live in harmony, harmony, oh love

always I want to be with you

and make believe with you

and live in harmony, harmony, oh love

melting the ice for me

jump into the ocean

hold back the tide, I see

your love in motion

when it's cold outside

am I here in vain?

hold on to the night

there will be no shame

always I want to be with you

and make believe with you

and live in harmony, harmony, oh love

always I want to be with you

and make believe with you

and live in harmony, harmony, oh love

Ampersand

I'm not really sure why I haven't posted this song yet. It was my "walking outside and taking in the world, or trying very hard not to" soundtrack during the post-christmas part of the winter this year, and I strongly associate it with lipgloss, dry, creaking snow, yellow streetlights, lying awake(alone, alone, alone) in bed, the way Oslo looks in the winter time, the subway, and trying to find the courage to sing. I've tried for a long time to figure out whether or not these lyrics are mine or if I just reside in them and their intensity and beauty while listening to them, but I can't seem to make up my mind. I don't think I want to live my life on one side of an ampersand, but maybe I sort of do, too. It depends on what it would mean. I do, at least, want to live parts of my life on one side of an ampersand. But I don't want my life to belong to anyone but me anymore. I want to be my own. Which is a good thing, I think.

Anyway. Ampersand is a gorgeous piece, simple and intense, with an original structure - the way the sentences have been split musically and which words are emphasised and so on. I'm a bit too sleepy to explain it, but I write this down mainly for myself and I know that I will understand it when I read it sometime in the future, so I consider it to be an adequate description.

Listening to it again, now, I begin to long for winter.

The title makes me think of the graphic novel called "Y: The Last Man", too, because 1, I was reading it and listening to this at the same time a lot, and 2, one of my favourite characters from the comics is a monkey called Ampersand.

~

I walk down my street at night
the city lights are cold and violent
I am comforted by the
approaching sound of trucks and sirens
even though the world's so bad
these men rush out to help the dying
and though I am no use to them
I do my part by simply smiling

the ghetto boys are cat calling me
as I pull my keys from my pocket
I wonder if this method of courtship
has ever been effective
has any girl in history said,
"sure, you seem so nice, let's get it on"
still, I always shock them when I
answer, "hi, my name's Amanda and

I'm not gonna live my life
on one side of an ampersand
even if I went with you
I'm not the girl you think I am
and I'm not gonna match you
'cause I'll lose my voice completely, no
I'm not gonna watch you
'cause I'm not the one that's crazy"

I have wasted years of my life
agonising about the fires
I started when I thought that to be
strong you must be flame retardant
and now, to trust the wounds goes into
question how authentic they are
there is always someone criticising me
"she just likes playing hospital"

lying in my bed
I remember what you said
"there's no such thing as accidents..."

but you've got the headstones all ready
all carved up and pretty
your sick satisfaction
those his and hers matching
the daisies all push up
and pairs to the horizon
your eyes full of ketchup
it's nice that you're trying
the headstones all ready
all carved up and pretty
your sick satisfaction
those his and hers matching
the daisies all push up
and pairs to the horizon
your eyes full of ketchup
it's nice that you're trying

but I'm not gonna live my life
on one side of an ampersand
even if I went with you
I'm not the girl you think I am
and I'm not gonna match you
'cause I'll lose my voice completely, no
I'm not gonna watch you
'cause I'm not the one that's crazy

as I wake up two o' clock
the fire burned the block, but ironically
stopped at my apartment
and my housemates are all sleeping soundly
and nobody deserves to die
but you were awful adamant
that if I didn't love you, then you
had just one alternative

and I may be romantic
and I may risk my life for it
but I ain't gonna die for you
you know I ain't no uliet
and I'm not gonna watch you
while you burn yourself out, baby
no, I'm not gonna stop you
'cause I'm not the one that's crazy