Friday, May 29, 2009

Sent i november

Vakre, skjøre, dyrebare, trygge, solide ord. Ord fra en av mine yndingsbøker. Ord om fysisk stoff og om alt annet enn fysisk stoff. En av skattene mine.

~

"Høstens rolige gang mot vinter er ikke noen dårlig tid. Det er en tid for å bevare og sikre og legge opp så store forråd en kan. Det er deilig å samle alt en har, tettest mulig inntil seg, samle sin varme og sine tanker og grave seg en sikker hule innerst inne, en kjerne av trygghet der en forsvarer det som er viktig og dyrebart og ens eget. Så kan kulden og stormene og mørket komme så mye de vil. De famler over veggene og leter etter en inngang, men det går ikke, alt er stengt og innenfor sitter den som har vært forutseende og ler i sin varme og sin ensomhet."

"Veien var svært lang og homsens ben var korte. Overalt var det dype pøler og myrer og svære trær som hadde veltet over ende av alder eller uvær. De avslitte røttene løftet veldige jordflak i været og under blinket det i svarte vannhull. Homsen gikk rundt dem, han gikk rundt hver eneste myr og hvert eneste vannhull og han mistet ikke veien en eneste gang. Han var så lykkelig, fordi han visste hva han ville."

"Homsen Tofte lot boken synke. Han forstod ikke ordentlig hva de snakket om og setningene var så lange. Men han syntes de rare ordene var pene og han hadde aldri før hatt en egen bok."

"Novemberdagen gikk langsomt mot sin skumring. Mymlen krøp inn under dundynen, hun strakte ut bena så det knaket og krummet tærne rundt varmeflasken. Det regnet ute. Om et par timer ville hun være passe sulten til Filifjonkas middag og kanskje ha lyst på en prat. Nå behøvde hun ikke gjøre annet enn å synke inn i varmen, hele verden var en eneste stor myk dyne som lukket seg rundt en mymle og utenfor var alt det andre."

"Sandbunnen under bryggen var dekket av en brun masse som vugget ganske sakte i takt med havet, det var tang som var revet opp av stormen. Tåken var borte, med ett, og det fantes ikke en tommere strand i hele verden."

- Tove Jansson

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Violet Hill



Hollow. Hollow, hollow, hollow, hollow, hollow.

~

was a long and dark December
from the rooftops, I remember
there was snow, white snow

clearly, I remember
from the windows, they were watching
while we froze down below

when the future's architectured
by a carnival of idiots on show
you'd better lie low

and if you love me
won't you let me know?

was a long and dark December
when the banks became cathedrals
and the fox became god

priests clutched onto bibles
hollowed out to fit their rifles
and the cross was held aloft

bury me in armour
when I'm dead and hit the ground
a love back home unfolds

and if you love me
won't you let me know?

I don't want to be a soldier
when the captain of some sinking ship
would stow, far below

so if you love me
why'd you let me go?

I took my love down to Violet Hill
there we sat in snow
all that time, she was silent, still
so if you love me
won't you let me know?
if you love me
won't you let me know?

Monday, May 25, 2009

Tonight



Almost summer. Almost. And Oslo is beautiful as ever. I'm in love with the city once again. The beauty of it hits me, full force, in the chest, makes me take it all in and not let go, not for one moment, for one second. I'm in love. I am. I want to walk the streets of this beautiful creation, creature, this complex mass of structures and personalities and trees and dreams and smells and corners and light and dark and everything, everything, everything.

And I don't want to lose you. Don't go away.

~

watch my back so I make sure
you're right behind me as before
yesterday, the night before tomorrow
dry my eye so you won't know
dry my eye so I won't show
I know you're right behind me

don't you let me go, let me go tonight
don't you let me go, let me go tonight
don't you let me go, let me go tonight
don't you let me go, let me go tonight
don't you let me go, let me go tonight
don't you let me go, let me go tonight

walk the surface of this town
with high heels above the ground
and high horses that we know
keep us safe until the night
we know them all, I know it all
stay put and play along
'cause I'm looking for my friend
now I got you, got you

and don't you let me go, let me go tonight
don't you let me go, let me go tonight
don't you let me go, let me go tonight
don't you let me go, let me go tonight
don't you let me go, let me go tonight
don't you let me go, let me go tonight

dry my eye, dry my eye
falling deeper by the hour
dry my eye
dry my eye, dry my eye
don't let me fall deeper now
dry my eye

and don't you let me go, let me go tonight
don't you let me go, let me go tonight
don't you let me go, let me go tonight
don't you let me go, let me go tonight
don't you let me go, let me go tonight
don't you let me go, let me go tonight

let me go, let me go
let me go, let me go
let me go

don't you let me go, let me go tonight
don't you let me go, let me go tonight
don't you let me go, let me go tonight

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Melodies & desires



I can't stop thinking about it.

~

follow these instructions
do exactly as I do
lean your shoulders forward
let your hands slide over to my side
move your body closer
let your heart meet mine

love is the harmony
desire is the key
love is the melody
now sing it with me

come a little closer
take a look at me
this light is so obvious
I want you to see
come a little closer
look me in the eye
then repeat with me one more time

love is the harmony
desire is the key
love is a symphony
now play it with me

you'll be the rythm
and I'll be the beat
you'll be the rythm
and I'll be the beat
then I'll be the rythm
and you'll be the beat
and love, the shoreline
where you and I meet

love is the harmony
desire is the key
love is a symphony
come sing some with me

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Little bit



I'm a little bit in love with this song.

I am, I am, I am, I am.

~

hands down
I'm too proud for love
but with eyes shut
it's you I'm thinking of

but how we move from A to B
it can't be up to me
'cause I don't know
eye to eye
thigh to thigh
I let go

I think I'm a little bit, little bit
a little bit in love with you
but only if you're a little, little bit, little bit
in l-l-l-l-love with me

and for you I keep my legs apart
and forget about my tainted heart
and I will never ever be the first to say it
but still, I, yeah, you know I, I, I, I

I would do it, push the button
pull the trigger, climb a mountain
jump off a cliff, 'cause you know, baby
I love you, love you a little bit

if you would do it, and you would say it
and you would mean it, that we could do it
and it was you and I, not only

I think I'm a little bit, little bit
a little bit in love with you
but only if you're a little, little bit, little bit
in l-l-l-l-love with me

come here
stay with me
stroke me by the hair
'cause I would give anything
anything
to have you as my man

little bit, little bit
a little bit in love with you
but only if you're a little, little bit, little bit
in l-l-l-l-love with me

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Wait it out



Well, are we?

~

where do we go from here?
how do we carry on?
I can't get beyond the questions

clambering for the scraps
in the shatter of us, collapsed
it cuts me with every "could have been"

pain on pain on play, repeating
with the backup makeshift life in waiting

everybody says
that time heals everything
but what of the wretched hallow?
the endles in-between?
are we just going to wait it out?

there's nothing to see here now
turning the sign around
we're closed to the earth til further notice
clambering for the scraps
clambering in the light
we're closed to the earth 'til further

all in one, only one street level miracle
I'll be an out-in-out, born again from none more cynical

everybody says
that time heals everything
but what of the wretched hallow?
the endles in-between?
are we just going to wait it out...

...and sit here cold?
look, you'll be long gone by then
and lackluster
in dust we lay, 'round old magazines
fluorescent lighting sets the scene
for all we could and should be being
in the one life that we've got

everybody says
that time heals everything
but what of the wretched hallow?
the endles in-between?
are we just going to wait it out?
just going to sweat it out?

Hide and seek



After a far too long absence, the rain has finally come back to me. Yesterday the streets were blue and black and wet and the lights glimmered across them. The leaves on the trees scattered alongside the pavement were greener than usual and covered in raindrops. Buses and cars passed by, making that lovely sound buses and cars make when driving in the rain. The air smelled of home and of life and of everything that makes me aware and present. This song was inside of my head all the time. It reminds me of the entirety of last summer and the state of mind I was in then. I'd like to go back to that. Maybe I can now.

~

where are we?
what the hell is going on?
the dust has only just begun to fall
crop circles in the carpet
sinking, feeling

spin me round again and rub my eyes
this can't be happening
when busy streets
a mess with people would stop to hold
their heads heavy

hide and seek
trains and sowing machines
all those years
they were here first

oily marks appear on walls
where pleasure moments hung before
the takeover
the sweeping insensitivity of this
still life

hide and seek
trains and sowing machines
(oh, you won't catch me around here)
blood and tears
they were here first

mmmh, what you say?
oh, that you only meant well?
well, of course you did

mmmh, what you say?
mmmh, that it's all for the best?
of course it is

mmmh, what you say?
mmmh, that it's just what we need?
and you decided this

mmmh, what you say?
what did you say?

ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut outs
speak no feeling, no, I don't believe you
you don't care a bit, you don't care a bit

hide and seek
you don't care a bit
hide and seek
you don't care a bit
hide and seek
you don't care a bit

Sunday, May 10, 2009

We Belong



Pat Benetar being her awesome self. Ah, I do love this song, and the lyrics are very... I don't know, they're kinda me, I suppose. No, they're very me. She was a great songwriter, Pat Benetar. Couldn't find the original video(which is a shame, because it totally rocks), so here's one with... Whales... in it.

~

many times, I've tried to tell you
many times, I've cried alone
always, I'm suprised how well you
cut my feelings to the bone
don't want to leave you, really
I've invested too much time
to give you up that easy
to the doubts that complicate your mind

we belong to the light
we belong to the thunder
we belong to the sound of the words
we've both fallen under
whatever we deny or embrace
for worse or for better
we belong, we belong, we belong together

maybe it's a sign of weakness
when I don't know what to say
maybe I just wouldn't know
what to do with my strength anyway
have we become a habit?
do we distort the facts?
now there's no looking forward
and there's no turning back
when you say

we belong to the light
we belong to the thunder
we belong to the sound of the words
we've both fallen under
whatever we deny or embrace
for worse or for better
we belong, we belong, we belong together

close your eyes and try to sleep now
close your eyes and try to dream
clear your mind and do your best
to try and wash the palette clean
we can't begin to know it
how much we really care
I hear your voice inside me
I see your face everywhere
still, you say

we belong to the light
we belong to the thunder
we belong to the sound of the words
we've both fallen under
whatever we deny or embrace
for worse or for better
we belong, we belong, we belong together

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Be like a cloud

and so I closed my eyes and watched
and when I opened them again
I knew the clouds had snowed on me
and then they poured on me some rain
and there stood this cold icicle
the very shape and form of me
I tried to cry, but couldn't, so instead
I made myself a cup of tea

- Regina Spektor

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Itsumo nando demo



I fell asleep watching Spirited Away today. I've never done that before. But I want to do it again some day. No movie has ever touched me like this one did the first time I watched it - and every single time I've watched it since. The film brimms with an subtle, tender, inexplicable force. It fills me up and draws me in. Nothing can compare to it. Nothing at all.

~

let my silent, empty body be filled and reborn

Monday, May 4, 2009

I know you by heart



My favourite Eva Cassidy song. I can't feel anything but longing.

~

midnights in winter
the glowing fire
lights up your face in orange and gold
I see your sweet smile
shine through the darkness
it's line is etched in my memory
so I'd know you by heart

mornings in april
sharing the secrets
we'd walk until the morning was gone
we were like children
laughing for hours
the joy you gave me lives on and on
'cause I know you by heart

I still hear your voice
on warm summer nights
whispering like the wind

you left in autumn
the leaves were turning
I'd walk down roads of orange and gold
I saw your sweet smile
I heard your laughter
you're still here, beside me, every day
'cause I know you by heart

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Mammas ord

Jeg var hos mormor og morfar i dag. Vi ryddet og rotet rundt i noen gamle esker og bunker med papirer, og jeg fant en masse små skatter som jeg tok med meg hjem. Blant disse var en stil moren min skrev da hun gikk i åttende klasse. Den er ordentlig merkelig, vanskelig å forstå seg på, litt surrealistisk, og til himmerik vakker - i mine øyne. Jeg liker den veldig godt. Selv som veldig ung var hun helt fantastisk med ord.
Det er rart. Samme hvor mange ganger jeg ser håndskriften hennes - på gamle handlelister jeg snubler over i kjelleren, på veggen min (diktet hun skrev til pappa da de var unge), i notatboken hennes, i fotoalbum... Så sier alt stopp i hodet mitt når jeg kommer over noe hun har skrevet. Et ark hun har tatt i. Ord hun har formet i hodet sitt. Jeg fikk aldri bli kjent med henne som person. Og jeg lengter. Jeg lengter etter noe jeg aldri vil få oppleve. Og etter det jeg hadde en gang. Det er så lenge siden nå.
~
Hos meg selv om 20 år
Hjertet mitt er dødt - tomt. Ansiktet lyser blått - det skal være gull på leppene i år. Jeg er mor. Mor til mange. Preventiver fåes gratis på Pluto, har jeg hørt. I går var den dagen jeg får ha Else - den yngste datteren min - hjemme. Hun er også blå. De hører om krig i historietimen. Om barn som sulter. - Sultet, mener jeg. Barn får ikke sulte nå. De får ikke lov til å dø. De går bare rundt - skinnende blå - med tomme blikk.
Bestemor ligger dypfryst i kjelleren. I morgen skal myndighetene tine henne opp. Garantiseddelen som jeg får på henne lyder på ti år til. Ikke dårlig!
I natt drømte jeg om noe vått, kjølig. Vann, tror jeg de kalte det. Det strømmet over hendene mine og fikk farge av himmelen som speilte seg i det.
Ada - en av kollegaene mine på mødre-fabrikken - påstår at en gang for lenge siden fikk vi lov til å leve. Fikk lov til å være oss selv. Det må være veldig lenge siden; jeg kan ikke huske det. Men Ada sier at da det nye regimet ble innført, tok HAN - den øverste - og visket ut viljen vår. Hun sier også mødrene levde sammen med barna siden og barnas far før.
Av og til kommer minnestreif fra fortiden til meg. En solstråle. En veps... Her under plastkuppelen lever ingen planter eller dyr. Jeg er så ensom. Boblen som jeg bor i mellom fødslene er hard og blank. Når jeg har bodd i den i noen uker, er jeg nesten gal. Da henter de meg til fabrikken.
Jeg kan produsere tretten barn i året. De blir malt blå allerede ved fødselen - noen blir gule også. Jeg begriper ikke hva HAN bruker alle ungene til. Noen av dem vasker plastkuppelen, og noen smører maskinene, men resten? HAN styrer over alt, og jeg lar HANS vilje skje.
Når lyset i boblen min går over fra grønt til rosa, må jeg legge meg ned på gulvet og be til HAM. Hvis HAN er fornøyd med bønnen, kommer skingrende ul ut av et hull i boblen. Så får jeg støt i føttene og faller i dvale. Søvn, heter det, sier Ada. Hun vet så mye...
Jeg er så rar innvendig i dag. Det stikker og prikker over alt. Kanskje det er drømmen som har gjort meg så underlig? Jeg har aldri følt noe før, bare vært tom i hodet, men da det kalde vannet rant mellom fingrene mine, sitret kroppen min, og hjertet mitt ble så lett. Jeg er ikke sikker på hva den følelsen heter. Jeg har aldri kjent den før - aldri. Ada sier at den heter lykke. Er det rikti tro? Det er et vakkert ord - lykke...

Friday, May 1, 2009

Soda Shop



Makes me feel like lying down on the ground and look up at the sky.

~

the sidewalk is rushing at my head again
I'm lying on the street in the rain and wind
from doing forward rolls down Avenue A
with my guitar on my back, don't let it end this way

somehow I dialed my cell
I didn't know I could get service in hell
how quickly can you get here?
don't know where I am, dear
finally, the world actually seems to be revolving around me

shooby dooby doo-wap
I overdid it at the soda shop
thanks for being my girl at the
"I don't know when to stop sock hop"

you held my head over the edge of the bed
I remember it now, but at the time I thought I was dead
you put a pan there and held up my hair
how can I repay you for saving me and my hardwood floor?

shooby dooby doo-wap
I overdid it at the soda shop
thanks for being my girl at the
"I don't know when to stop sock hop"

and when the world stopped spinning round
I picked the pen up off the ground
I read my up heaves, much like tea leaves
they said, "it's over, so get sober or you'll die again"

shooby dooby doo-wap
I overdid it at the soda shop
thanks for being my girl at the
"I don't know when to stop sock hop"