'Til Kingdom Come

Songs are never really easy to figure out, and they can mean so many things at once, soothe or riot emotions in so many situations. Me, I find that a beloved song or melody or tune is a place to return to.I make homes in the songs that I hold dear. And I always come back. Always.

This one is a bit of a mystery to me, but it sort of makes perfect sense, too. All the best mysteries do. There's something comforting about the steady piano and the gentle guitar. The subtle melody carries me away to open skies and closed off rooms, to secrets and confessions, to promises and changes of heart. A song, for me, about letting go. Of death, perhaps, or of heading in a new direction and leaving things you once loved behind - or taking them with you, never really letting go, while picking up new things to love along the way. Of how life doesn't pause for anyone. How everything always keeps moving.

Stories about letting go have always fascinated me, because I've never been good at it. I'm terrible at it, actually. I'm the kind of person who'll begin sobbing because of the way a particular sunset looks on the TV screen - because that I'll never get to see that exact sight ever again. I've lost so many things and I never could stop missing them. I just don't know how to. And accepting death? Leaving this world without feeling anything but resignation and love for the things that were once mine? I don't think I will ever be able to feel that way. I love this strange little planet far too much to even imagine letting go some day. It's nice to dream that I might, though. To hope.

I took in the beauty of this (I haven't listened to it in months, and it was like coming home, it always is) on the way home from the subway, wearing my new flowery dress with pride, looking at the stars and thinking about all the mysteries still ahead of me and the pear soda I had yet to drink up. It was one of the best walks home I have ever had.

~

still my heart and hold my tongue

I feel my time, my time has come

let me in, unlock the door

I've never felt this way before

and the wheels just keep on turning

the drummer begins to drum

I don't know which way I'm going
I don't know which way I've come

hold my head inside your hands

I need someone who understands

I need someone, someone who hears

for you I've waited all these years

for you I'd wait 'til kingdom come

until my day, my day is done

and say you'll come and set me free

just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me

in your tears and in your blood

in your fire and in your flood
I hear you laugh, I heard you sing

I wouldn't change a single thing

and the wheels just keep on turning

the drummers begin to drum

I don't know which way I'm going

I don't know what I've become

for you I'd wait 'til kingdom come

until my days, my days are done

and say you'll come and set me free

just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me

just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me

just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me