Solsbury Hill

There's something so adorable about Peter Gabriel riding his bike onstage while singing this song. I haven't heard more than two Peter Gabriel songs in my life, so I suppose I don't really qualify as a fan, but I love him for Solsbury Hill, deeply and innocently, with all the courage I can muster. I'm so scared of growing up.

~

climbing up on Solsbury Hill
I could see the city light
wind was blowing, time stood still
eagle flew out of the night

he was something to observe
came in close, I heard a voice
standing, stretching every nerve
I had to listen, had no choice

I did not believe the information
I just had to trust imagination
my heart going, boom-boom-boom
"son," he said
"grab your things, I've come to take you home,"

to keeping silence, I resigned
my friends would think I was a nut
turning water into wine
open doors would soon be shut

so I went from day to day
though my life was in a rut
'til I thought of what I'd say
which connection I would cut

I was feeling part of the scenery
I walked right out of the machinery
my heart going, boom-boom-boom
"son," he said
"grab your things, I've come to take you home,"

when illusion spin her net
I'm never where I want to be
and liberty, she pirouette
when I think that I am free

watched by empty silhouettes
who close their eyes, but still can see
no one taught them etiquette
I will show another me

today, I don't need a replacement
I'll show them what the smile on my face meant
my heart going, boom-boom-boom
"hey," I said
"you can keep my things, they've come to take me home,"
oh, I'll soon be home

Ode to divorce

~

the food that I'm eating
is suddenly tasteless
I know I'm alone now
I know what it tastes like

so break me to small parts
let go in small doses
but spare some for spare parts
there might be some good ones

like, you might make a dollar
I'm inside your mouth now
behind your tonsils
peeking over your molars

you're talking to her now
you've eaten something minty
and you're making that face that I like
and you're going in, in
for the kill, kill
for the killer kiss, kiss
for the kiss, kiss

I need your money, it'll help me
I need your car and I need your love
I need your money, it'll help me
I need your car and I need your love
so won't you help a brother out?
won't you help a brother out?
won't you help a brother out, out, out, out, out?

so break me to small parts
let go in small doses
but spare some for spare parts
you might make a dollar

so won't you help a brother out?
won't you help a brother out?
won't you help a brother out, out, out, out, out?

so break me to small parts
let go in small doses
but spare some for spare parts
there might be some good ones
you might make a dollar
(there might be some good ones)
there might be some good ones
(you might make a dollar)
you might make a dollar
(there might be some good ones)
there might be some good ones

Comforting sounds

You damn ass. You have no idea how much I miss you.

~

I don't feel all right
in spite of these comforting sounds you make
I don't feel all right
because you make promises that you break

into your house
why don't we share
our solitude?

nothing is pure
anymore
but solitude

it's hard to make sense
feels as if I'm sensing you through a lens
if someone else comes
I'll just sit here listening to the drums

previously
I never called
it solitude

and probably you know all the dirty shows I've put on
blunted and exhausted like anyone
honestly I tried to avoid it, honestly
back when we were kids, we would always know when to stop
and now, all the good kids are messing up
nobody has gained or accomplished anything

Pretty good year - Comic Book Tattoo

"1 January 1992, Vancouver, BC.

Dear Kelly:

Hey, it only took me a year to write. But then, you didn't write either. So I guess we're even, ha ha. Kind of, you owe me. Kind of. Your good-bye party wrecked me. So I've only got Dwight's word that you didn't just ditch me when I passed out.

Remember when we did our resolutions? They didn't last very long.

"Find a new look." I really tried. I tried all kinds of things. I'd see myself in the mirror and think, "There's some kid playing dress-up." If I couldn't believe I was really that guy, who would? I didn't even bother to return the clothes. Number one, it was all on the parental credit card. Number two, and I know this is lame, but I kept thinking maybe someday I could be that guy - one of those guys - for real. Maybe.

Anyway. There was one resolution that really mattered. So yeah, I started going out with Lucy from Ciap! Impressed? You always said she was pretty.

Next resolution: the one we cheersed on. I had it all planned. I was going to talk Robin into three months' leave from the photo shop and then I was going to hit the road and surprise you in Key West. All the way across America like Jack Kerouac or something. The whole idea went to shit pretty quickly. I think I only got the damn thing started twice.

Then -- fucking Dwight. He totally skipped out on me, like I was the landlord or something.

One last resolution: Do something with my music. I did. Open mic night. Jesus. There was supposed to be a guy from the Georgia Straight there. I wrote three new songs that week. I was ready to get discovered. I was supposed to be on third, but it got shuffled around, and then none of these shitty bands could stick to the time limit. The longer it took, the more nervous I got. Guess what I did when I got nervous? By the time the guy called my name I could barely walk. Still. I sang as good as I ever did. I went right to the Georgia Straight guy.

I got more hours at the photo shop, but still there was only one thing keeping me going... and then that was gone.

November. I don't even wanna talk about November. The worst thing? It wasn't even the singer. Just the fucking drummer.

So I didn't really keep any of our resolutions. But last night I got some stuff squared away. They had a bonfire on English Bay.

Here's what I figure. If what you are is a haircut... some clothes you bought... a motorcycle you don't know how to ride... a movie you saw... some boots you don't even need... a band you thought you liked... then what is there that's just you?

So yeah, it sucked. But still. Pretty good year.

Love you.

Greg"

~

tears on the sleeve of a man
don't wanna be a boy today
I heard the eternal foot man
bought himself a bike to race

and Greg, he writes letters
and burns his CD's
they say you were something in those formative years
hold on to nothing as fast as you can, well
still, pretty good year

maybe a bright sandy beach
is gonna bring you back, back, back
maybe not, so now, you're off
you're gonna see America
well, let me tell you something about America

some things are
melting now
some things are
melting now

well, hey
what's it gonna take
'til my baby's all right?
what's it gonna take
'til my baby's all right?

and Greg, he writes letters
with his birthday pen
sometimes, he's aware that they're drawing him in
Lucy was pretty, your best friend agreed, well
still, pretty good year

Dr. Jones

Ah, the memories...

~

sometimes, the feeling is right
you fall in love for the first time
heartbeat, and kisses so sweet
summertime love in the moonlight

now, the summer is gone
you had to go back home
please come and see me again
I've never felt more alone

baby, I am missing you
(I want you by my side)
and I hope you miss me too
(come back and stay)
I think about you every day
(I really want you to)
you swept my feet right off the ground
you're the love I found

doctor Jones, Jones, calling doctor Jones
doctor jones, doctor Jones, get up now
doctor Jones, Jones, calling doctor Jones
doctor jones, doctor Jones, wake up now

oh, I think I miss you
and all of the things we had
doctor, what can I do?
why does he have to be like that?

baby, I am missing you
(I want you by my side)
and I hope you miss me too
(come back and stay)
I think about you every day
(I really want you to)
you swept my feet right off the ground
you're the love I found

doctor Jones, Jones, calling doctor Jones
doctor jones, doctor Jones, get up now
doctor Jones, Jones, calling doctor Jones
doctor jones, doctor Jones, wake up now

please, please cure me
please, please cure me
please, please cure me
please, please cure me

doctor Jones, Jones, wake up now
doctor Jones, Jones, wake up now
doctor Jones, Jones, wake up now
doctor Jones, Jones, wake up now

doctor Jones, Jones, calling doctor Jones
doctor jones, doctor Jones, get up now
doctor Jones, Jones, calling doctor Jones
doctor jones, doctor Jones, wake up now

Jackie's Strength

I desperately wish I could link to the video here, and the actual song, because it's completely breathtaking - the song and the video - but it's not on youtube. Damn that copyright shit. Well. The song is Jackie's Strength by Tori Amos, from "The Choirgirl Hotel". One of my Tori favourites.

So. You have no idea what you've done to me... Do you?

~

a bouvier 'til her wedding day
shots rang out, the police came
mama laid me on the front lawn
and prayed for Jackie's strength

feeling old by twenty-one
never thought my day would come
my bridesmaid's getting laid
I pray for Jackie's strength

make me laugh
say you know
what you want
you said we were the real thing
so I show
you some more
and I learn
what black magic can do
make me laugh
say you know
you can turn
me into the real
so I show you some more
and I learn

stickers licked on lunchboxes
worshipping David Cassidy
yeah, I mooned him once on Donna's box
she's still in recovery

sleepovers, Beene's got some pot
you're only popular with anorexia
so I turn myself inside out
and hope someone will see

make me laugh
say you know
what you want
you said we were the real thing
so I show
you some more
and I learn
what black magic can do
make me laugh
say you know
you can turn
me into the real
so I show you some more
and I learn

I got lost on my wedding day
typical, the police came
oh, but virgins always get backstage
no matter what they've got to say

if you love enough, you lie a lot
guess they did in Camelot
mama's waiting on my front lawn
I pray, I pray, I said I pray for Jackie's strength

make me laugh
say you know
what you want
you said we were the real thing
so I show
you some more
and I learn

Dikt#4

Today, Leonard Cohen. My beloved Leonard Cohen. True beauty and fragility. Thought and love and hurt. And longing.

~

I wonder how many people in this city
live in furnished rooms.
Late at night when I look out at the buildings
I swear I see a face in every window
looking back at me
and when I turn away
I wonder how many go back to their desks
and write this down.

~

I almost went to bed
without remembering
the four white violets
I put in the button-hole
of your green sweater

and how I kissed you then
and you kissed me
shy, as though I'd
never been your lover.

~

Beneath my hands
your small breasts
are the upturned bellies
of breathing fallen sparrows.

Wherever you move
I hear the sounds of closing wings
of falling wings.

I am speechless
because you have fallen beside me
because your eyelashes
are the spines of tiny fragile animals.

I dread the time
when your mouth
begins to call me hunter.

When you call me close
to tell me
your body is not beautiful
I want to summon
the eyes and hidden mouths
of stone and light and water
to testify against you.

I want them
to surrender before you
the trembling rhyme of your face
from their deep caskets.

When you call me close
to tell me
your body is not beautiful
I want my body and my hands
to be pools
for your looking and laughing.

~

I heard of a man
who says words so beautifully
that if he only speaks their name
women give themselves to him.

If I am dumb beside your body
while silence blossoms like tumors on our lips,
it is because I hear a man climb the stairs and clear his throat outside our door.

~

My lady can sleep
upon a handkerchief
or if it be Fall
upon a fallen leaf.

I have seen the hunters
kneel before her hem
even in her sleep
she turns away from them.

The only gift they offer
is their abiding grief
I pull out my pockets
for a handkerchief or leaf.

~

I long to hold some lady
for my love is far away,
and will not come tomorrow
and was not here today.

There is no flesh so perfect
as on my lady's bone,
and yet it seems so distant
when I am all alone:

As though she were a masterpiece
in some castled town,
that pilgrims come to visit
and priests to copy down.

Alas, I cannot travel
to a love I have so deep
or sleep too close beside
a love I want to keep.

But I long to hold some lady,
for flesh is warm and sweet.
Cold skeletons go marching
each night beside my feet.

~

I perceived the outline of your breasts
through your Hallowe'en costume
I knew you were falling in love with me
because no other man could perceive
the advance of your bosom into his imagination
It was a rupture of your unusual modesty
for me and me alone
through which you impressed upon my shapeless hunger
the incomparable and final outline of your breasts
like two deep fossil shells
which remained all night long and probably forever.

~

I can hold in a great deal; I don’t speak
until the waters overflow their banks
and break through the dam.

Run

And then I made everything fall apart.

~

holy girl
don't get up
for running

stay with me
I feel sad
when you run

sands of time
are lying
on my chest

stay in bed
I feel sad
when you run

stay like this
on the hills
of my chest

don't wake up
I feel strange
when you go

stop the night
hold me tight
holy girl

don't stand up
I feel strange
when you go

I'm your man

Now, this is just too sexy for words. The words and the instruments and everything. God, how I love his voice.

~

if you want a lover
I'll do anything you ask me to
and if you want another kind of love
I'll wear a mask for you
if you want a partner, take my hand, or
if you want to strike me down in anger
here I stand
I'm your man

if you want a boxer
I will step into the ring for you
and if you want a doctor
I'll examine every inch of you
if you want a driver, climb inside, or
if you want to take me for a ride
you know you can
I'm your man

ah, the moon's too bright
the chains too tight
the beast won't go to sleep
I've been running through
these promises to you
that I made and I could not keep
ah, but a man never got a woman back
not by begging on his knees
or I'd crawl to you, baby
and I'd fall at your feet
and I'd howl at your beauty
like a dog in heat
and I'd claw at your heart
and I'd tear at your sheet
I'd say please, please
I'm your man

and if you've got to sleep a moment on the road
I will steer for you
and if you want to work the street alone
I'll disappear for you
if you want a father for your child
or only want to walk with me a while
across the sand
I'm your man

A thousand kisses deep

Dear Leonard Cohen. Will you marry me?

~

don't matter if the road is long
don't matter if it's steep
don't matter if the moon is gone
and the darkness is complete
don't matter if we lose our way
it's written that we'll meet
at least, that's what I heard you say
a thousand kisses deep

I loved you when you opened,
like a lily, to the heat
you see, I'm just another snowman
standing in the rain and sleet
who loved you with his frozen love
his second hand physique
with all he is and all he was
a thousand kisses deep

I know you had to lie to me
I know you had to cheat
you learned it on your father's knee
and at your mother's feet
but did you have to fight your way
across the burning street,
when all our vital interests lay
a thousand kisses deep?

I'm turning tricks, I'm getting fixed
I'm back on boogie street
I'd like to quit the business
but I'm in it, so to speak
the thought of you is peaceful
and the file on you, complete
except what I forgot to do
a thousand kisses deep

confined to sex, we pressed against
the limits of the sea
I saw there were no oceans left
for scavengers like me
I made it to the forward deck
I blessed our remnant fleet
and then consented to be wrecked
a thousand kisses deep

don't matter if you're rich and strong
don't matter if you're weak
don't matter if you write a song
the nightinggales repeat
don't matter if it's nine to five
or timeless and unique
you ditch your life to stay alive
a thousand kisses deep

the ponies run, the girls are young
the odds are there to beat
you win a while, and then it's done
your little winning streak
and summon now to deal with
your invincible defeat
you live your life as if it's real
a thousand kisses deep

I hear their voices in the wine
that sometimes did me seek
the band is playing "Auld Lang Syne"
but the heart will not retreat
there's no forsaking what you love
no existential leap
as witnessed here, in time and blood
a thousand kisses deep

and sometimes when the night is slow
the wretched and the meek
we gather up our hearts and go
a thousand kisses deep

Horny Hippies

This song fucking kicks ass. It's half past one AM, I'm drinking coke and thinking about how beautiful the summer night is, and Iddi just showed this to me. It's so cool and pretty and lovely and neat and I adore it, absolutely adore it. Amazing lyrics. They make me think about what it's like to be scared. Which I am. A lot.

~

we were walking down the block
when we thought the bomb went off
and our hearts nearly stopped at the sound
when we looked and we found
that it hit some other crowd
I was glad it wasn't us, yeah, I was proud

'cause I fall and I break
just as easy as an egg
yeah, my shell isn't as hard as it seems
when my insides gush out
there's no telling what it's about
when it'll stop, when it'll seed, when it'll bleed

yeah, I just stay in my home, in my home, in my home
yeah, I just stay in my home, in my home, in my home

well, I take a look outside
at the pretty girls walk by
but I can't make myself say "hi," because I'm scared
because I spend all this time
all locked up inside
it's the only place I know how to bare

'cause you can go out and meet
some girl you can't defeat
and you think that she must be the one
until you're walking down the isle
and she takes away your smile
boy, you wish you hadn't dialed before you wrung

oh, you should stay in your home, in your home, in your home
oh, you should stay in your home, in your home, in your home

well, they talk of your past
yeah they said it wouldn't last
but they're running pretty fast back on their word
it was gone for a while
but it's coming back in style
better run back where you're from and join the mass

yeah, we'll just stay in our homes, in our homes, in our homes
yeah, we'll just stay in our homes, in our homes, in our homes